octomantra: (Default)
[personal profile] octomantra
The other day on the soulbonding forum, a member asked about soulbonds who are missing limbs, so I talked about Ed and his automail here. I went into some detail about what it is like having him front, and within a day or so later, one of the newer members PM'd me for advice on fronting. Ed and I just looked at each other, and we realized that fronting is one of those things that is rather hard to describe to someone who has never experienced it. At least for us it is. Over the years, there have been times where I wondered if what we do is actually a form of blending, but after reading other accounts, it seems that Ed does indeed front.

Essentially, Ed started to front by accident after I had an intense emotional experience with his canon, and we both thought it was a weird quirk unique to us until we stumbled upon the community. He "walks" into my body, which requires a great amount of trust from me and some effort from him. What is hard to pinpoint is that I, in some ways, become him and he becomes me temporarily...and yet it is still very clear that we are two separate people. The difference is that he is in the driver's seat, and I'm the one cofronting. I'm conscious the entire time--in contrast to someone with DID--but he talks and interacts with this world directly through me, and the thoughts that are processed are primarily his. What Ed told them is that he merges with the energy body first. Once that is accomplished, it is pretty easy to take over the physical body, as both the energy body and physical body are integrated. The analogy we used is how an experienced driver or horseback rider would consider the car or horse to be an extension of himself. There is a state of flow while driving or riding, and although you have a separate identity from the vehicle, there is a sort of symbiotic connection that smooths out the process. Typically, I have to be receptive so that he can overshadow me...with the exception of a couple of rare situations where he felt the need to step in. He occasionally fronts at random, typically if we're having a long, involved conversation and something from the physical world interrupts us. It was odd describing it to this other system, and I think it was the first time that we had to think about how exactly it works for us. It often just happens automatically.

Date: 2017-07-01 03:49 pm (UTC)
the_network: Chibi icon of a black cat with green eyes against a dark green background with light green polka dots (Mew)
From: [personal profile] the_network
Eyy, I'm actually really glad to see this, because it sounds like we front similarly! And I wouldn't have known how to describe it at all. We definitely at least start out the same with the energy stuff.

It's also weird because I kind of get quiet when that happens and stop having a lot of my own thoughts, because their thoughts are my thoughts sort of. I don't really know how I would describe that either.

-Mew

Date: 2017-07-01 03:55 pm (UTC)
thatlasswiththechocobos: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thatlasswiththechocobos
This is...really interesting and makes me wonder actually if Mumkhar HAS fronted and we just haven't ever thought of it like that, either, that it feels more like blending. Like I'm not precisely making the decisions, but still there, and he's more in charge. Hmm.

Date: 2017-07-06 07:27 pm (UTC)
thatlasswiththechocobos: (Default)
From: [personal profile] thatlasswiththechocobos
Absolutely - and ugh, that attitude is ridiculous. Generally Mumkhar has been against proper fully fronting - we never bother to try even really - because my body is...well, mine, and a) it's the complete physical opposite of his and that'd be unpleasant for him, and also given the nature of our relationship, it's just always felt wrong. But the kind of...mental blur fronting, I guess, that makes sense, a kind of gentle overriding of presence although strictly speaking I'm still sort of the one doing the actual movement.
Gatekeeping in this community is RIDICULOUS, I didn't even realise until I entered online spaces. :/ It must be hard for younger people especially to go from 'cool, other people share this experience!' to 'oh, except I'm not allowed because *stupid reason*' in a space of a handful of days...:/

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